


The Leverage Effect

by patriciaselina



Series: Retrouvaille [5]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Crush, Awkwardness, Crack, Fluff, Future Fic, Gen, I have no excuses for myself, Implied Matsuoka Rin/Tachibana Makoto, Innuendo, M/M, POV First Person, Rei and Nagi have mutual one-sided crushes, Secret Crush, Speedos, University Pageant, and I am driving myself up the wall with their awkwardness, on each other in this AU, srsly, the one with the penguin print on the back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 10:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1262833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patriciaselina/pseuds/patriciaselina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I think this really only started because stupid wonderful Rei had told me that he “doesn't want to be parted with” me. So this is totally a hundred percent <b>his</b> fault. It's all his fault, and now I'm hopelessly in capital L-O-V-E <b>love</b> with him, and it's too much for me to bear and my head hurts.</i>
</p><p>Fresh out of Iwatobi, newly arrived at Tokyo and going through his first year of university, Nagisa Hazuki deals with a part-time job, his self-inflicted confusing schedule, and the biggest, most embarrassing crush ever. How would he deal with his feelings when said crush is talked into wearing little more than a skimpy swimsuit for a rather long period of time? And also happens to be his best friend and roommate? </p><p>(Part of the Retrouvaille AU, to be precise part of the Rei POV fic <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1084649">Materiality Principle</a>.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the middle of [Chapter Two](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1084649/chapters/2188292) and [Chapter Three](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1084649/chapters/2200666) of [_Materiality Principle_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1084649). The flashback, of course, was set a week or two before [Chapter One](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1084649/chapters/2181252).

As the term  _leverage_  defines, it refers to the ability of a small force to move a heavy weight…as the saying goes, “ _people who have leverage can accomplish a great deal with their smallest word or action_ ”, or the so-called “ _significant influence_ ”.

* * *

 

If I were to be honest, I don't really like the whole making-introductions thing.

This is something I don't tell Rei, because if I did I don't think he'd believe me. _You, Nagisa-kun, **you** don't enjoy having to stand up and talk about yourself?_ , he'd probably say, with that huffy thing he does that tries so hard to be high and mighty but only makes me clutch my tummy in laughter. _Well, color me surprised._

He'd be mostly right, though - I _do_ enjoy talking about stuff a lot, especially about things I know tons about, like things about myself and strawberry tarts and the fact that Rei is eighteen years old and still wears butterfly-print pajamas to bed.

…it'd be hypocritical for me to say that this last little habit of his is silly, though, 'cuz when we were in second-year high school he gifted me a rockhopper-penguin-printed set and I've fell in love with it ever since.

Maybe because it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Maybe because he bought it from the same place he got the butterfly-print set and when we wear them we kind of make a good pair.

And besides, I _do_ know that I am a silly person - it's probably why we fit so well, with all the hullaballoo about birds of the same feather and all that.

There are a lot of reasons why people think I'm too silly to function, and this is the one all the people at uni seem to have noticed: that I'm a non-repeating, non-working freshie sitting in on some classes the Accountancy majors are taking. Because nobody ever does that, according to the countless number of professors who seem to have fought back intense urges to shake some sense into me.

I understand, of course - I'm a History major. There is absolutely no reason for me to scatter around my sched and make myself irreg when I've barely even started, no need for me to sit in on any other section but my own - and _especially_ not with the Accountancy majors, whose course works apparently suck all the life out of them until they either give up or end up one of those extremely bookish unsociable types.

Now: I'm not a bookish person, and I've never been fond of giving up, but the Accounting section is where Rei is so I guess that's why I'm here.

…what was I talking about again? Oh, right, introductions.

I'm not really good at making friends, but I sure do _look_ like I could, don't I? It's terribly easy, it really is - sometimes you just gotta keep your smile a bit wilder, fool around more obviously, and there it is. Suddenly you're the class clown and it doesn't matter if you've got no posse or no brawn or no real intent of making friends with anyone, because you're the guy that makes fun of everyone and everything and people either come to you to talk about silly stuff, stuff to laugh about, or they watch their back around you 'cause they don't wanna be the butt of anyone's joke.

Either way though, whatever they end up thinking about me - psh, I really can't care any less about what they'd think anyway? - I'd at least be something other than the too-scared, too-cute little crybaby whose sisters always kept dressing him as a girl.

So it's not my intro I'm disliking, no, because I've been giving the same speech for the last eight years, it's really nothing interesting.

What I dislike about introductions is that _Rei_ has to do them, too.

Rei's not the kind of guy who'd boast about all his strengths at the drop of a hat, but he looks like the kind of guy who _would_ , doesn't he? When in fact he's quiet and shifty and most of the time a little bit shy, and it's wonderful that I haven't broken his quote-unquote 'fragile sensibilities' yet. Because if I did he might not like hanging around with me anymore, might not want to be roommates - _roommates!!_ \- with me anymore, and I don't know much about stuff but I do know I wouldn't want that to happen.

Anyway. What don't I like about Rei's introductions? The answer to that is actually _nothing_ , because Rei has a way of saying everything and nothing, all at once, and when he says his carefully-chosen words everyone turns to listen.

…I _know_ those words are carefully chosen, because I've heard him practice them lots of times in front of our bathroom mirror.

He'll say that he's Rei Ryugazaki, Iwatobi High School graduate, former track club member in high school. He doesn't say that he's our high school's valedictorian, or that he's Iwatobi's track champion, not unless some nosy prof wrangles him out of him, and it makes perfect sense how everyone else just sort of gets it because from the way he carries himself it's kind of obvious what kind of student, what kind of athlete he is. Was. Could be, if only he accepted any of those sports teams begging to have him.

He'll say that, yes, he actually does like theories and calculations, and this is the reason why he chose accountancy. He doesn't say that when he was choosing courses he had been scared that he'd depend on theory and calculation so much so that he'd become a 'robot', like everyone else kept telling him in high school, middle school, elementary…neither does he say that I had looked at him and told him the exact things I would do to anyone who'd make fun of him for being brilliant.

It's a good thing he doesn't say this last bit, because aside from the fact that it's a personal memory, I kind of used a lot of words not fit for the ears of the general public.

See, here's what I don't like about Rei's intro - it's not anything he said, because he said all the right things, but it's what it makes people think about him. He's only spoken through his first sentence and I can see the way everyone looks at him, how they size him up and sigh wistfully like those sappy soap heroines, how they're grinning and thinking of how to - quoting some rude guy I heard in the hall the other day - “ _milk the nerd for all he's worth_ ”. And I can feel my hands turning into fists under the desk because not under _my_ watch, guys, I just won't let that happen.

There is one thing I like about his intros, though:

The prof will always ask him: _Ryugazaki-kun where do you live?_ He'll say that he's living with a friend in Tokyo, with a different tone of voice than usual - that one, which always makes me wanna curl into myself and hide, because sometimes he uses that tone when he talks about me and it makes me flush red.

The prof will ask him if he's happy, even when he's living so far away from home, and a corner of Rei's mouth will curl up as he says “I am, actually”, and as he turns to sit down he looks at me, and smiles.

One time, when there was nobody else who could see, because in that period I had been sitting right behind him - he even winked.

Rei-chan.

 _My_ Rei-chan.

 _Winking_.

 _This is gonna be a really long sem_ , I think, opening my locker and trying very hard to not bump my head against the cool locker door. As if it wasn't enough that I have to get used to a new school, new people, a new place to live - I have to deal with suddenly having these new, ugh, _feelings_ , too?

I think this really only started because _stupid **wonderful**_ Rei had told me that he “ _doesn't want to be parted with_ ” me. So this is totally a hundred percent _his_ fault. It's all his fault, and now I'm hopelessly in capital L-O-V-E **_love_** with him, and it's too much for me to bear and my head hurts.

I'm just about to think _to **hell** with it _ and bump my head on my locker door, really hard, only someone clears their throat and I suddenly straighten up to look normal.

For the sake of this…person, I have to look like a proper college student looking at stuff in their locker, not someone who's so desperately in love with their best friend that they've lost their mind.

“Hazuki-kun, right?”

The girl in front of me - I can't possibly use any other word than 'girl', she's so small and _I'm_ the one making the comparisons - has glasses and a high ponytail. As I rack my brain to remember where I had seen her before - freshie assembly, orientation, entrance exams? - I hear her tapping her feet, impatiently. She's frowning.

I don't wanna get an archrival on the first week of class, so I decide to humor her. Even if I really dunno who she is. “Yeah, I'm Hazuki. What's up?”

“Huh,” The girl hums, raises an eyebrow. She doesn't seem to be frowning anymore? “The _kouhai_ 's description was remarkably accurate.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, right, where are my manners,” the girl says, patting down her uniform blazer. There's a smile on her face, but it's strained - almost as if she's been ordered to smile without knowing how to. “Hanataba Kumiko, third year accounting major. Our org president assigned me to act as a guide for your friend, Ryugazaki Rei-kun.”

“Rei-chan's still in class, though,” I say, trying very hard not to seethe because Rei's _senpai_ \- she's a _senpai_ , why am I looking down, is she really that tiny? - seems nice enough. Surely Rei's right and my imagination is too wild, and Hanataba isn't aiming to seduce Rei as she 'guides' him? “Why'd you wanna talk to me?”

…that must've come out a bit too heavy on the defensive side, though, because she takes a step back. “Oh - sorry! Were you going to go somewhere? I won't be keeping you, then -”

“No, no, it's fine - I'm really just asking.”

“Well, it's nothing in particular, really: it's just that Ryugazaki-kun said the nicest things about you, and I wanted to see if any of them were true.” she says, and whatever Rei told her must've been really nice 'cuz now she's grinning. “Seeing you alone has vouched for a good quarter of them. As for the others - hmm. What's your next class?” I tell her that I have nothing left for the day, and she nods in approval. “Just perfect, then. Listen, I'm going to speak with Ryugazaki-kun later, over cafeteria food since by the time he'll be done it'll be lunchtime, and after we're going to do a tour of the campus - do you wanna go with us?”

“Depends,” I say, my mind still racing at the idea that Rei said _nice things_ about me to his _senpai_ and a good quarter of them were about _how I looked_. “Does the cafeteria have sweet breads?”

“Oh, it has better,” Hanataba has a sparkle in her eye as she turns to me and lowers her voice to a whisper to inform me: “We have _cake_.”

“Lead the way, then,” I say, and from what little I see of the _senpai_ 's face her expression could almost be called _smug_.

* * *

 

Now, I've always known that Rei's an attractive guy. A _hot_ guy. I think even a blind person would find his _voice_ hot. It is, after all, one of the first things Gou had told me, when I first saw him -

I'll only say this once: even after all these years, I can still remember the first time I had seen Rei. Yup, I am that kind of lovestruck man.

We were on the train, Gou and Hana and I, when we saw him. He was jogging alongside, matching the speed of the train without even breaking a sweat.

Gou had followed my gaze and frowned. “Don't push it, Nagisa-kun. Even if he _could_ be interested - he's way out of your league.”

“Huh? What is it?” Hana had asked, as she looked up from a rather elaborate _emoji_ message on her phone. Gou had raised her eyebrows, tilted her head my direction, and gestured outward with an open hand, to the jogger outside the window. “Ooh, I know him! Heard about him, at least…Ryugazaki-kun, right?” Turning to me, she asked, “Aren't you guys in the same class?”

“They are. Which is why I'm telling Nagisa-kun to give up _now_ ,” Gou had said, not even letting me get a word in, as she shook her head from side-to-side. “Look, Nagisa-kun. Having crushes is fine and all, especially when their deltoids are such _splendid_ , _magnificent_ specimens like that, but there is a kind of attractive person who isn't interested in romance, in general. I'm sad to inform you that from what I've heard, Ryugazaki-kun is one of them.”

Rei had gone up ahead, jogging past as we got down on our stop, and it had only been then that their words finally registered with me. “I do not have a, a _crush_ ,” I had said, pouting, “on Ryugazaki-kun.”

I thought it best not to tell them that the simple act of saying his name had made a strange kind of electricity come alive in my fingertips.

“Yeah, hun, you keep saying that. Denial is the first step.” Gou had said, patting my back in circular motions as if I was a child she had needed to soothe after a bad dream. “ _Niichan_ was exactly the same. You'll figure it out soon enough.”

“It's _really_ not a crush,” I insisted, but leant into her touch anyway 'cuz Gou's rare mothering instincts are fluffy as hell, fluffier than _Mako's_ , and if RinRin isn't here to enjoy them I might as well pick up his slack. “I just wanna talk to him, for some reason. I dunno why.”

Gou pulled away from me then, and she had looked at me really seriously, way too seriously for someone who thought that I might have a crush on that gorgeous classmate - just because I _might_ have said that I thought he looked rather beautiful, really, _really??_ \- and she had sighed.

It had been as if she had been just gonna accept something that can't be helped, like _fate_.

“Tell me how it goes, then. I'll get you ice cream when he breaks your heart.”

“Thanks, Gou-chan.” I couldn't help but snicker. How would my heart have been broken if it really hadn't been a crush in the first place?

Gou didn't seem to notice my snickering, 'cuz she only continued on, even more seriously. “Then I'll punch him.”

“What - _Gou-chan_!!!”

“Hey, Ryugazaki-kun _does_ have the lovely muscles, I'll give you that,” Gou'd nodded sagely to herself before we arrived at her and Hana-chan's classroom. We had been having this conversation in the hallway. The _crowded_ hallway. Will wonders never cease? “But you're a _friend_. I am my _niichan_ 's sister. I _will_ punch him.”

“That's…rather sweet of you, Gou-chan.” I had said, surprised that she would hypothetically stand up for me in the face of someone she loved to ogle, and for once she had smiled back and didn't chide me to call her “Kou”.

In the end she didn't need to punch Rei, and in the end I hadn't mustered the courage to talk to him - if he didn't call me out first I'd probably still be sighing after his shadow like some lovesick puppy - but still, right now I can't help but think that one of the other things Gou had said back then are especially relevant to our situation right now.

Specifically: _denial is the first step_.

“I look _ridiculous_ ,” Rei says, bringing me back to the present, sizing up his own reflection with a withering look. “Don't you think so, Nagisa-kun?”

As Rei does this silly half-turn to face me I have to wrench my eyes away and start thinking of terribly unrelated things. Like puppies. Or Rin being dared to wear Gou's clothes. I have to do this, really have to, because right now Rei's wearing his glasses and the swimsuit he borrowed off me and…well. Just that.

I have to remind myself how to breathe or I'll just fall over and die here at his feet, and if he sees that my death certificate would say that I died from looking at him too much I know he'd never live with himself and I can't let that happen.

“You look,” I say, and stop myself, 'cuz I'm just this close to saying _perfect_ and he'd get all suspicious of me and I don't want that. I look at him again, and gulp. “ _silly_.”

“Well, I _feel_ silly.” Rei says, and just as I'm about to thank the heavens that my best friend thinks it'd be beneath himself to flex in such a ridiculous swimsuit, he does the exact thing and I am torn between weeping in embarrassment and wanting very much to take him somewhere else. Maybe somewhere a bit more _private…_

Either way, I think I might feel faint.

I hear Rei sigh. His arms are crossed over his chest as they usually were when he got nervous. Or angry. Well, right now, he's looking at me with _those_ eyes, so I know he's nervous as hell. “It's really bad, isn't it?” he says, scrunching his eyes shut in embarrassment. “You're not saying anything about it, Nagisa-kun, even though I was absolutely _positive_ that you would. You're not even _laughing_ …”

I open my mouth, about to say something, and then stop myself because _actually Rei-chan, I couldn't talk much 'cuz I was focusing too much on trying **not** to jump you_ doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely as my subconscious seems to think it would. Instead, even though I know his eyes — his _very pretty_ eyes — are screwed shut, I say nothing, just shake my head “no” and hope he gets the message.

 _No, Rei-chan, you don't look stupid, in fact you look very nice, **more** than nice, and I'd use my words but then I just might do something stupid and lose you forever_.

He doesn't get the message, which is expected since it's not the kind of sentence you can get through a headshake. “See, I told the _senpai_ s that I'm really not cut out for this, but they didn't want to take my so-called 'excuses'. Apparently I'm the only one who can pull off a Speedo — why does it have to be a Speedo-type swimsuit, and why does the Accountancy org have to be assigned to _yellow_? — thanks for the loan, by the way, Nagisa-kun — and now they're hounding me at all sides and my name's on the official roster and I look so bad my best friend can't even _laugh_ at me.”

“You don't…look _bad_ , Rei-chan,” I say, trying how best to be perfectly honest with him without somehow letting out anything along the lines of _Rei-chan_ , _I wanna do unspeakable things to you right now_. “It's just kind of a shock.”

“It is, isn't it? Even when I was wearing my track clothes I was more or less covered up.” Rei says, smiling sheepishly at the memory. I try to remember those days — try to remember seeing Rei _with clothes_ , really — but those track clothes were so clingy too, almost like a second skin in other places, and all those _anime_ and _manga_ were true and love _is_ a mental illness and I am just _this_ close to shrugging off propriety. And it just gets worse, because as Rei turns his back to me he muses, “It's a good thing that you never revived that swim club of yours, then. I don't think I can get used to wearing this all the time.”

— so lemme get this straight.

Rei doesn't swim. But if I did go on and revive the Iwatobi High School Swim Club — is he saying he's glad I didn't, 'cuz if I did he'd have joined? And I'd have to spend jogging hours and school hours and break time and club hours where I'm there and he's there and for that last one he'll be at the very least _half-naked_??

He's not paying much attention to me now — he's looking in the mirror, muttering furiously about complimentary colors and — God help me — _camera angles_ , so I think it'd be safe for me to let out a small whine.

 _Someone, **please** put me out of my misery_.

Someone up there really must be listening, though, ‘cause someone knocks and we both jump. The synchronicity isn't lost on us — Rei and I look at each other, and despite his nerves and my…awkwardness…we laugh. Rei's eyes are still shining with laughter as he opens the door.

It's Hanataba, of the fair hair and little-ish height. It looks like she's choking.

“Hanataba- _senpai_ , are you all right?”

“D-don't mind me, Ryugazaki-kun,” she replies, and breaks off into another series of hacking coughs. Was she eating something earlier? Rei, ever the gentleman, offers her his water bottle. “O-oh. Thanks.”

“It's no problem, _senpai_ , it's just that — are you really sure I'm up for this?”

“Well, better you than _Kitagawa_ , that's for sure,” she says, shivering. “There was a reason I didn't watch last year, you know.”

“Kitagawa- _senpai_?” Rei parrots, cocking his head in that cute way he does when he's confused. “That reminds me. He said I had to meet him later after I tried this on, right?”

“Oh, right.” Hanataba says, blinking as she looks up at Rei again. Surprisingly, despite her flushed cheeks and choking coughs earlier, right now she can look at Rei in all his muscular, almost-naked glory _without_ looking like she wants to jump him. I think I should probably ask for pointers. “That guy happens to be one of our officers. I think. Well, some of his friends are officers at the very least, so they'd probably look you over 'in the name of the org' and approve.”

“How'd you know they'd approve so readily?”

Hanataba cocks an eyebrow at Rei, looking very pleased with herself. “Of course they would. _I_ made the suggestion, and I don't normally interest myself with things like this.”

...so it seems like I've finally found out who to blame for my increasing risk of dying from cardiac arrest, then. I dunno whether I wanna strangle Hanataba or kiss her cheek.

Rei's cheeks turn the loveliest shade of red and what do you know, the rest of him follows suit, too. I always knew he blushed easily, but I think I could've lived with myself better if I didn't know just _how much_. “But Hanataba- _senpai_!”

“Don't ' _but Hanataba-senpai_ ' me, young man, you'll only regret it.” Hanataba grins, talking to Rei as if she were the mothering figure which is weird since she's so small and Rei....isn't. Rei really isn't _small_. _Anywhere_. Distracting myself again, moving on. “You've obviously got the looks for it. And the body. And...you're the topnotcher of your year's entrance exams, aren't you?”

“How did you know?”

“I have my ways,” Hanataba shrugs off in a way that tells me that Rei isn't the only topnotcher in this room. “Anyway, I can't think of anyone else more suited to the job, unless we're counting your friend Tachibana, but he's in Education and they already had him compete and _win_ last year so he doesn't count.”

“Yes, but that doesn't mean — _Makoto-senpai_??” Rei says, startled. Mako actually won this pageant?? This is expected, of course, since he's 'miracle of the universe' and all, but. **_This is completely new information!!_**

So I turn to Hanataba. “Mako-chan won last year? He didn't tell us that!”

“Hmm. You guys were graduating last year right? He probably thought you'd wanna go to see him but he didn't want you guys to come because he knows you're busy. Or maybe because he's embarrassed. Even though he definitely has _nothing_ to be embarrassed about. Just like you, Ryugazaki-kun.” Hanataba sighs. “It's always the handsome ones. But at least you're not too full of yourself...humility suits you well.”

“I'm not being humble, Hanataba-senpai, it's just being practical.” Rei says, almost shyly, and he sounds so unsure of himself that it makes me wanna wrap my arms 'round him and hold him close but that would have me step up and away from this table which is doing a great job at hiding just how much Rei's bod has a hold on me. So I shut my mouth and resign myself to think of the time when Gou put one of her facial packs on RinRin's sleeping face. It better work, I've been too quiet this whole time and Rei just might catch on. “I'm just a freshman, and I'm not exactly sociable either. I think it'd be better to go with people who'd rake in more votes - Nakamura-kun, maybe, or maybe Kitagawa- _senpai_ could make another attempt?”

Hanataba sighs. “I guess I should've expected you wouldn't believe me. I mean, I'm just your senpai after all —” she pauses in the middle of her sentences, eyes blown wide as if she suddenly remembered something really important. “—ooh, right! Hazuki-kun?”

My heartbeat has calmed down enough, as well as...some other things, so I think I can speak without making a complete fool of myself now. “Yes?”

“Maybe you'd have better luck talking some sense into him. I'm pretty sure the only opinion he cares about right now is _yours_ , after all.” Hanataba says, looking at me with a familiar twinkle to her eye. It's almost the same one I have when I look at RinRin, after I found out he had the biggest crush on Mako. My cheeks grow warm all of a sudden — I've tried so hard, please don't tell me I was that obvious??

In front of me Rei's still red-cheeked and flustered, but there's no way it has to do with the look his senpai is throwing me right now. It's left over from all the compliments, earlier. Or — I think, even though it makes me wanna grit my teeth — maybe he's just too busy imagining Mako, tall, toned and handsome, smiling in a teeny-tiny swimsuit very much like the one he's wearing right now, Rei had _such a crush on him_ back in the day...

 _Sigh_. I knew I should've beefed up somehow, what if Rei has a type and I can't even be in the running 'cuz I don't get muscle as easily as Mako and RinRin do?

“…Hazuki-kun?” Hanataba asks, looking at me with worried eyes. From my peripheral I can see Rei’s looking at me too, arms uncrossed and reaching for me, unconsciously, as if he were gonna catch me if I fell. Just when I thought I couldn’t fall any more goddamned in love with this man…

“Nagisa-kun, are you all right?”

Yes, Rei-chan, I am all right because your voice is the sound of a hundred thousand angels calling my name and holy _wow_ I am very bad at this ‘falling-in-love’ business, I am _so_ glad Rei isn’t a mind-reader. Suddenly I imagine Rei being a mind-reader like the guy in those vampire novels RinRin hides under his desk is, and it makes me laugh out loud like a crazy person.

“The heat’s probably gotten to him.”

“No, that’s just how Nagisa-kun is,” Rei sighs, but – does he even know he’s doing this? – there’s a fondness to it that makes my heart fluff up and makes me wanna jump up and down the hallways in happiness. “Thanks for the offer, Hanataba- _senpai_ , I’m really flattered by your offer, but for very valid reasons I don’t think I should –”

“Rei-chan, I think you should do it.”

“...Nagisa-kun?” Rei’s head turns around to look at me, lovely pink blooming on his very nice cheekbones, Hanataba leans back against the wall with a small smile on her face, and somewhere deep inside me my brain is strangling my mouth for speaking out of line.

If I’m gonna go to hell for this, I might as well go all the way. Wait. No, brain, stop, not _all the way_ in the way _some parts of me_ can’t help but think.

Damnit, university, you’re supposed to be a wholesome place, why’d it have to be a goddamned _Speedo-type swimsuit_???

Okay, self, for the love of everything, pull yourself together.

So help me God.

“She’s right. I mean, Rei-chan, c’mon, you’re talented _and_ athletic _and_ smart – these kind of pageants have talent portions and Q &As, right? You’d be wonderful at them, I’m sure.” I say, and as the flush on Rei’s cheeks grow deeper I am struck with a strange glee ‘cuz _I’m the one who made him blush_ and it makes me wanna just kiss him right then and there. But that’d be awkward. In many ways. “And _of course_ people would vote for you. Anyone who wouldn’t is dumb, jealous, or biased in some other ways. They voted Mako-chan last year, so I’m pretty sure they aren’t _dumb_ voters…”

Hanataba looks at Rei with a look that plainly says “ _I told you so_ ”, but Rei doesn’t even notice ‘cuz he’s looking at me and his eyes are blown wide and his lips are parted just so and he’s _still_ wearing a Speedo and nothing else, if Hanataba weren’t here I’d have chucked common decency and made a complete fool of myself an half an hour ago.

Somewhere in the middle of getting distracted by those pretty purple eyes and forcing away the intense urge to kiss my very best friend, my mouth decides to just go off on its own again. My throat feels very dry as I hear myself say, “Also, you look _really good_ in a swimsuit.”

It’s just a little moment, a blink-and-you-miss it one, so I’m not really sure if I just daydreamed it – Rei’s cheeks are flushed red and as he looks at me his eyes shine with something that might just be called _hope_ , and it gets me thinking that maybe this pageant thing isn’t such a bad thing after all…I lean forward.

“Happy birthday, Hazuki-kun.” I faintly hear Hanataba mumble, as she closes the door behind her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really long A/N ahead!
> 
> I know Hana-chan's actually “Chigusa”, but I had to get a nickname for her somehow, and “Chi-chan” just didn't sit right with me. It reminds me too much of the lead persocom in Chobits, so…no. Also, Gou already calls her “Hana-chan” anyway, so I guess she wouldn't be adverse to it?
> 
> The tricky thing with Nagisa was how to spin his thought processes without using an ungodly amount of “- _chan_ ”s. I dunno if you've noticed, but save for the 'heavier' honorifics like “- _senpai_ ”, when the boys are thinking, I have the boys not address people by “- _san_ ”, “- _chan_ ” or “- _kun_ ” — hence, Rei from _Materiality_ doesn't think of Nagisa as “ _Nagisa-kun_ ”, just “ _Nagisa_ ”. Likewise, here Nagisa thinks of his friends as “ _Gou_ ”, “ _Hana_ ”, “ _Rei_ ”, “ _Mako_ ”, “ _Rin_ ” and “ _Haru_ ”. They're all back to 'normal' when they speak out loud, though — so Rei calls Nagisa “ _Nagisa-kun_ ” and Nagisa calls him “ _Rei-chan_ ” when they're speaking out loud. I do hope nobody minded me doing this.
> 
> I dunno how he’d think of Rei’s _senpai_ , though, ‘cuz they’re not exactly friends and having Nagisa think of her as “ _Kumiko_ ” or “ _Kumi_ ” just felt wrong to me. Maybe if ever they were to get closer, which I doubt…? Anyway, Kumiko’s Rei’s _senpai_ , who ships Reigisa ever since Rei first described him to her (“ _My roommate? Nagisa-kun? Ahh, he’s a troublemaker, a big sweet tooth, and he’s really pushy and bossy and tends to fall asleep wherever even though I tell him it’s a pain, but…he’s also really kind, and considerate in his own way, and he has the nicest, most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen…excuse me, what were we talking about again?_ ”)
> 
> One question: is it a Speedo-type swimsuit, or a boomerang-type swimsuit? I think the correct Japanese term would be the latter, since it’s what the guys actually say in-series (Rin calls Rei “ _boomerang megane_ ”, for one), but seeing as the English fandom calls it a Speedo…please tell me, so I can correct it?
> 
> Yes, both of them have the most ridiculous crushes on each other because anterograde amnesia aside the Retrouvaille AU is just one big Kdrama. Oh, wait, actually putting in the amnesia makes it even more of a Kdrama.
> 
> Anyway, if anybody really wanted to know: Rei fell first. He had a pesky little crush on Mako which never really went away, which can be explained off by his miracle-of-the-universe status, but ever since Nagisa had told him he was beautiful he kinda knew he was doomed. It's just that he's never been in love before so he refuses to consider it being more than platonic.
> 
> Otoh, Nagisa had always found him handsome, but like he says up here, it was only when Rei agreed to move in with him that he realized he was in love. And he knows it's love — he'd seen Rin fall for Mako, after all. He knows what's he's feeling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have two scenes that might be added to when I finally recover from finals week stress, but for now they’re all that make up Chapter Two and I hope you like ‘em!

After I took her order, Gou asks me “what’s wrong, Nagisa-kun?” and the answer to that is supposed to be _I’m sad because I didn’t get to kiss Rei-chan._

That day, Hanataba- _senpai_ had closed the door and the click of the lock had startled Rei – he had leant away, and he had been blushing, so some really narcissistic part of me’d been gloating that he’d become flustered ‘cuz he was a few centimeters away from kissing me, but he’d also walked into the changing room door so the more rational part of me’d worried that he hadn’t gotten enough sleep – which is actually a situation more possible than the first, both because Rei’s a borderline insomniac and because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to kiss me.

After all, if I _knew_ Rei wants to kiss me then there’d be no need for me to hold myself back. Well, maybe there’d still be _some_ need, I mean, they’ve got this thing called _public decency_ I’ve got to conform to.

So I answer Gou’s question by saying “I hate the life I'm living right now,” ‘cuz despite all my wishing I am living a life where I don’t get to kiss Rei, for crying out loud, and I groan, all the while having a very childish urge to smack my head against the granite counter.

“Looks like _someone_ 's being the biggest drama queen ever,” Gou sighs as she takes the seat in front of me, textbooks in hand — she's always been horrifyingly good with stuff about muscles, so no surprises that she took up the course that studies about them as obsessively as she does. “Tell me about it.”

“Ah — no, actually it'd be better that I don't.” I say, as I rush off behind the glass window to prepare her drink, because if I had been obvious enough for Rei's _senpai_ s to catch on, I could be obvious enough for my _friends_ to catch on, obvious enough for my _best friend_ to catch on — and my best friend happens to also be my _crush_. I gotta be more careful if I wanna keep this to myself.

“You sure?” I hear Gou ask while I focus on the prerequisite high-tension pouring I'm currently doing. I'm pretty sure she's looking at me with a worried look, but I can't look away to check 'cuz the last time I did that I spilled the entire drink and felt icky for the rest of my shift.

“Abso _lute_ ly,” I pipe cheerfully, like Rei does when I ask him about stuff he doesn't wanna talk about. It's a good thing Gou doesn't get to see us together often, 'cuz if she does she'd see I've started picking up his _speech patterns_ now and she'd know exactly how far I've fallen. “By the way — did you know that Mako-chan joined our university pageant last year?”

“You're kidding.”

“Am _not_ ,” I say, placing the glass mug on top of a coaster with a soft _click_. “Your milk tea, Gou-chan.”

“How many times do I have to tell you, it's _Ko_ — you know what, forget about it.” Gou says, taking the glass mug and shaking her head. “You've always been too stubborn for your own good.”

“Hehe~ But that's one of my best features, isn't it? That I march to the beat of my own drum?” I say, busying myself with an order of _Kaya_ toast — simple little things, green _Kaya_ spread sandwiched between little bread slices and toasted 'til crispy and brown. I am suddenly struck by the urge to make this for Rei's breakfast, only I'm not a morning person so he might find it suspicious...

“It also means that you're stuck in the things you believe too much that you can't see what's right there in front of you.” Gou says, and I'm weirded out 'cuz I dunno where this — advising, scolding, teasing, what is it exactly? — is coming from. “Chew on that for me for a moment, why don't you.”

I still don't get what her point's supposed to be, but she does look worried so I do this to humor her, 'cuz I'm just that good of a friend, as I move on to deal with coffee buns, also known as the most low-maintenance thing on our menu. Just set the timer, reheat and serve.

What are the things I believe in? Definitely some kind of god, for sure, since I always seem to pray for adult stuff like wisdom and guidance and the iron-clad restraint needed to not imagine being in very compromising positions with my best friend.

True love, probably, 'cuz even until now I still believe that some time somehow RinRin and/or Haru will return from wherever faraway foreign place they've been and give our Mako the happy ending he deserves.

Rei, 'cuz he's just _Rei_ and crush or no I always believe in him better than I do myself.

Am I missing anything? I don't think I am...

“You're _hopeless_ ,” Gou groans, suddenly, resting her head against her pile of textbooks. “And here I thought denials like that only existed in romcoms...”

“What are you saying, Gou-chan?”

“If you have to ask, Nagisa-kun, then I think you _really_ don't get it at all.” my friend says, shaking her head and eyeing the coffee buns I'm serving hungrily. “Can you get me two of those to go?”

“All right, just wait a moment, I'll have 'em ready for you,” I say, rummaging around for paper bags and trying very hard _not_ to look at the bulletin board hanging on the wall behind my friend.

The place I work at is very close to uni, you see. So it's obvious that if the student council's gonna advertise its events, it's gonna advertise here, 'cuz this is the only place that sells good, non-instant caffeine within walking distance. Which is a bit weird 'cuz this is _Tokyo_ where Starbucks is king, but whatever, at least that means more tips for me...anyway.

What this means is that if I angle my head just _so_ , my eyes automatically hone in on that one picture of Rei on the corkboard, and yes, that is part of the reason why I poured the coffee onto the tile floor earlier.

If Rei were here he'd probably nag me about having no grace at all, but if Rei were here I'd spend my whole shift staring and I'd spill nothing 'cuz I wouldn't get any work done.

He looks unbelievably handsome in a purple button-down and one of those waistcoats he likes wearing peeking out of his suit jacket, and there's this intensity to the way he looks at the camera that makes me want to drop everything and pass out. Especially when I factor in the reality that the gorgeous man in the picture is the same man who greets me with a smile when I get off work, who loves butterfly-print clothes and eats pizza with knife and fork and took my heart outta my chest when I wasn't looking.

See, I can be poetic, too.

I've only noticed that I've been staring into space for a while when Gou reaches over to snatch the paper bag from my hands, snapping my jaw shut with her free hand. “Stop gaping after Rei-kun. Close that mouth of yours, we don't wanna swallow down flies do we?”

My autoresponse would be to say something like _I was **not** gaping_, but that's just another lie, like _you look **silly**_ , or, in retrospect, _I don't have a crush on Ryugazaki-kun_.

'In retrospect', I said. Another thing I picked up from him.

“You're so _obvious_ , it's a _miracle_ Rei-kun hasn't caught on yet, seriously.” Gou mutters to herself, sighing as she walks away. “Good luck, Nagisa-kun.”

The one thing I find myself thinking of after Gou leaves is that I have _seriously_ gotta learn how to be a better liar.

And, of course, I also spend a good half hour staring open-mouthed at Rei’s glamour shot, and actually _do_ end up swallowing a fly. No joking. I really wish I was just joking.

* * *

 

“What's wrong, Nagisa-kun?” Rei frowns, a pucker forming in between his eyebrows as I find myself sighing for the umpteenth time. I have to clutch at my pants to stop myself from smoothing out that worried pucker. And maybe also do something about those lips…ugh Nagisa he’s going to speak stop it _stop_. “Was dinner not to your liking?”

“No, Rei-chan, dinner was _awesome_!” I say, grinning. But it’s not exactly sincere, and I know he knows, because his frown only grows deeper and _eeeeeep he’s leaning closer, must **not** lean in must not **stop it** nooooo._

I find myself leaning in. _Dammit_.

“You’re all red, Nagisa-kun, are you absolutely _sure_ you’re all right?”

“Never been better.” I hear myself choke out, both hands raised on either sides of my head in surrender. My eyes dart around looking at everything else until they finally zero in on what they wanted to look at in the first place – Rei has dry lips. Why does this make me want to stick my tongue out and – ugh, no, no, _stop!!!_ “I just – well, I was thinking about something at work, ahahaha, ‘s no need to worry about me _at all,_ Rei-chan, lemme just get this for you –”

I reach out for the pitcher of water we have on the table, quick enough to distract myself from wanting to do unspeakable things to my best friend with _oh my **god** I am embarrassing, Nagisa, seriously,_ my _tongue_ , but not so quick enough but to see some quick flash of – was that _hurt_?? – go across Rei’s face.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me,” Rei says, quietly, as he watches me refill his glass of water with a grace I picked up from my _senpai_ s at work. “But I hope you do understand that if you need someone to talk to, I’m right here.”

Great, Nagisa, you’ve successfully managed to make the love of your life feel as if you were shutting him outta said life. Brilliant.

“It’s not that I _don’t_ want to tell you, Rei-chan,” I say, because it’s true, because I’m so far gone I just wanna go running through the hallways at uni and go screaming _I love Rei-chan more than anything else in the whole world and get outta my way ‘cuz I’m gonna go kiss him a lot right now thank you very much_. But I’m pretty sure that if I _did_ do that, Rei’d either blush himself into an early grave, or get really scared and leave me forever. Either way, I’d rather die myself than lose him. So I have to go and keep secrets. “But I really just dunno how to tell you. I’ll make a promise, though.”

“Hmm?”

“When I _do_ figure out how to say it – you’ll be the first one to know, Rei-chan. I promise.”

Rei smiles at me, somehow pleased at my apparent honesty, and it makes the teeniest tiniest bit of guilt stab my heart because _crap did I just promise to confess to him but confessions are scary!!_ But he’s worth it. So I’m absolutely sure I’ll have to tell him, one day. Someday. Maybe when I’m a responsible adult enough to offer him more than an ice-cream sundae a week…

“You shouldn’t make people worry about you so much, Nagisa-kun.” Rei says, pouting his cute little pout again, and I have to pretend to be too focused on my meal to stop myself from wanting to kiss him. I have a feeling that this is kind of what Tantalus felt like – so close, but oh so far, ugh, this kinda torture oughta be outlawed by the Geneva Convention. “Speaking of. Have you heard from Gou-san recently?”

 _Holy crap please don’t tell  me she ratted on me or I will **destroy** her_ , I find myself thinking, even though Gou’s a better friend  than my subconscious seems to think and she keeps secrets to her grave – there’s a reason why she’s the first one RinRin told about the crushing-on-Mako thing. “I-I saw her at work earlier. Why’d you ask?”

“Oh, she called me earlier, during afternoon free period. She was really…odd about it, too, just giggled and told me ‘ _good luck!_ ’ before I can greet her _hello_.”

“Ahaha, don’t mind it, she’s probably talking about your pageant thingy!” I say, and just as I say the word ‘pageant’ I am simultaneously struck with giddy excitement ‘cuz _Rei-chan in a **speedo** , _as well as a whole lotta rage ‘cuz _Rei-chan in a speedo and I **won’t** be the only one seeing it_.

…so love just might be turning me the teensiest bit bipolar. It scares me a bit.

“How’s it going, by the way?”

“It’s…surprisingly enjoyable, to be completely honest with you. But do promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

“Pinky swear!” I say, sticking out my left pinky and waving it his direction.

“Pinky swear.” Rei laughs softly and reaches out to – I am definitely _not_ making this up, nuh-uh – hook his pinky with mine. He doesn’t _have_ to, I’m not actually a little kid who believes pinky swears bind all promises, but he _does_ and it’s the cutest thing _ever_ and please take note that I am the one who collects penguin plushies; they’ve _all_ got nothing on Rei and his smile.

“But why don’t you want me to tell?”

“Well, they might think I’m hogging the attention, for one,” Rei says, pushing up his glasses. “Despite the fact that I have better things to do than do so. It just so happens that the theory and calculations of aesthetics that I’ve accumulated along the years have been tremendously helpful when it comes to taking pictures. I apparently photograph well.”

“You _do_ ,” I hear myself say, and quickly slam my lips closed because that sentence is supposed to go _You do photograph well, too well in fact, I think they had to close early at work because everyone was too busy mopping up my drool._

Rei looks away, the barest of little shy smiles on his face, and though he tries to hide it with his hand up as if he were pushing up his glasses I can see his cheeks burn red. There’s a nice little floaty feeling within me throwing a party right now ‘cuz Rei’s blushing and _I_ did that, yeah, I’m amazing.

“T-thank you,” I hear Rei mumble behind his hand and wow his shifty eyes are so cute, why is he so cute, is he even _real_?? “That means a lot to me. That you think so.”

He looks away, and that’s good because if he looks into my eyes right now I am absolutely sure he’d be able to see exactly what I feel – that I just wanna smother him in hugs and feed him grapes or something. I am so in love with him it isn’t even funny anymore, how am I supposed to live with myself in this state.

“So! I’m not really the extracurricular type, but despite the incessant practicing and all the – ugh, _drama_ – I’ve been enjoying myself thus far. Hanataba- _senpai_ says that I’m one of the frontrunners right now on the liking contest they’ve got on Facebook, and everyone’s excited for me but I can’t help but tell them not to keep their hopes up.”

“Why, Rei-chan, don’t you think you can win?”

“Well…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think of it, but…” Rei starts, smiling sheepishly, somehow looking really shy as he scratches the back of his neck. “It is just _me_ , after all. I doubt I’d be able to acquire as much points as the rest of them.”

“Don’t say that, Rei-chan! You’re gonna get a lot of points, I’m sure of it!” I say, grinning, and this time, I’m absolutely sure I’m not lying.

When the picture had been uploaded for votes the other day I was on that _Like_ button like fish on _nigirizushi_. Like Gou on _Monthly Muscle Magazine_. Like Haru had been, on the water – I wonder how Haru’s doing right now? Basically I had been clicking on that link so much that my mind had to remind me that an account can only Facebook-like a picture _once_. (My ten dummy accounts beg to differ, though.)

Yesterday, when I last looked, Rei’d already gotten two hundred Likes. Head and shoulders above the rest, and he’s ‘just’ a freshie! But you wouldn’t think he’s just a freshie, not compared to everyone else, especially not with that face, and, mm, that _body_ …

…what did I tell myself yesterday about inappropriate thoughts?

Oh, right.

That I shouldn’t be having them at dinner.

“Nagisa-kun, what’s the matter?” I hear Rei say as I grit my teeth and turn around quickly as I stand up. All I can think of right now is the _Frozen_ theme song – _don’t let them see, be the good girl you always have to be_ , and right now what I am feeling is _definitely_ not good. I have gotta do something about this. Fast. Before Rei catches on. “Please tell me if it’s because of dinner, I won’t hold it against you…”

“No, it’s just –” I pipe up suddenly, ‘cuz right now my mind is all-too-happily thinking of _other things_ I’d like Rei to _hold against me_ , also known as _himself_ , and it is not helping with my situation _at all_. I gulp; right now my throat feels totally dry. Maybe I’ll gargle mouthwash. Yeah. That’ll probably help. “‘S not dinner. I just need –” _you_ , but no, no no no I am _not_ saying that, so I rush off to what I think is where our toilet is and lock the door behind me.

I close my eyes, try to think of really boring things, and pray that right now, my best friend doesn’t think I’m a complete and utter lunatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa's supposed to be working at a little place called _Kopi Roti_ , btw. They serve really great milk tea there and right now I can't remember if they have a Tokyo branch but for my purposes they have one, okay? Okay.


	3. Chapter 3

Rei in his old track uniform is a sight for sore eyes, and in the middle of all these people I can’t help but sigh. It’s so crowded in here and I doubt nobody’d hear me – and if they did they’d think the sigh came from one of Rei’s sizable battalion of fangirls.

Gou gets to my side in a barrage of ‘ _excuse me_ ’s and ‘ _please get out of my w_ ay’s. Subtlety was never her strong suit. Come to think of it, it’s not mine, either. “Enjoying the view?” she asks, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, ripping open a bag of chips from inside her tote.

“What view?” I ask, fumbling for a handful of chips. Gou only shakes her head and sighs.

“Y’know whatI mean, Nagisa-kun,” Gou says, grinning like a fox. “ _That_ view.”

Her hand leads to the quadrangle below, where Rei had since leant over to tie his shoelaces, the tight fabric straining to better show off his _really nice_ –

 _No_.

No, Nagisa, _stop that_.

I groan, pressing a palm to my face and willing the flush in my cheeks to calm down. As well as some other things. “You’re _horrible_ , Gou-chan. Absolutely horrible.”

“What? Just because _you’re_ too busy repressing your stupid feelings doesn’t mean _I_ should follow suit, too.” Gou says, licking excess cheese powder off her fingers. “Also, it’s _Kou_. I’m watching to make sure you don’t drown in a pool of your own drool, the least you can do is call me by name.”

“Gou _is_ your name, Gou-chan.” I snort. “And I didn’t exactly _force_ you to come along, y’know.”

“You didn’t force me. I wanted to anyway.”

“Remind me why I’m friends with you again?”

“I blame _onii-chan_.”

“Ahh, yes, Rin-Rin, the patron saint of spiky teeth and lost causes.” Somehow it makes me childishly happy that I’m not the only one out of us who’s living with a terrible crush on their best friend. At least Rin’s got _distance_ that he can hide behind. “How’s he doing, by the way?”

“Splendid, apparently. _Onii-chan_ cannot shut up about how he keeps winning his races.” Gou says, smiling, and I sigh in relief. Rin’s always been such a perfectionist, and I don’t even wanna _imagine_ how he’d be like if he were anything less than the best. He’s a lot like Rei, in a way; must be why they get along so well. “I’m absolutely sure he’s gonna go Olympic at this rate.”

“Good for him, then!” I say, and mean it. At least one of us is gonna go all the way as far as swimming is concerned. Mako lost interest soon as Haru went away, and I followed suit…I wonder if Haru’s still swimming, wherever he is by now? Would he get to race with Rin again someday?

Would we ever see him again?

Gou has her hand on my shoulder, consoling. Comforting. I’d joke and say I never knew she had it in her to be a _calm_ presence, but that’d just be mean and also not true. “Don’t think about it too much, Nagisa-kun. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

Now that sounds like something out of a greeting card, I’m aware, but it works on me, maybe at least partly ‘cuz I’m a big sap. “You really think so?”

“Yeah. And that goes for _other things_ , too,” Gou says, pointedly looking at where Rei is standing, the pennant of their Accountancy org hanging from a pole he holds in his hands as skillfully as he would the pole he used for his vaults. “It’s not like you to dance around this for so long, Nagisa-kun.”

On the contrary, though, I _am_ a big coward and dancing around my feelings _does_ sound like something I’d do. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Gou sighs, leans back into the bleachers, and gives me a disappointed glare. “Stupid boys. It’s _obvious_ that you like each other, and I can’t see why you don’t just tell him you’re in love and kiss a lot already. Would save you all this grief.”

“It’s _not_ obvious,” I say, huffily, frowning into my handful of chips ‘cuz while I _do_ admit that it is _extremely_ obvious how much I like Rei, Gou’s still wrong and it’s not exactly obvious that Rei likes _me_ – at least, it isn’t obvious that he likes me as more than a friend. “And this is _Rei-chan_ we’re talking about. I don’t want to lose him, Gou-chan.”

“I wish Hana-chan were here so you’d be hearing this argument of mine in stereo surround sound,” Gou grumbles, noshing on cheese chips like a woman possessed. “But she isn’t, so I’ll just say this one thing very seriously and leave you to your Rei-kun-ogling. It’s really important, so you better listen.”

She swats my hand away from the bag of chips, and I frown. “Go on, then,” Better to get it over with so I can get back to eating chips. And also get back to glaring daggers at the sophomore who _dares_ to drape herself all over Rei’s arm, like she thinks she has the _goddamned right_ –

Gou grabs me by the shoulders and stops me from verifying as to whether or not looks can actually kill, and says, completely seriously, her eyes shining with intent: “ _You will never lose him_.”

The certainty with which Gou says those words is so mind-wracking that I physically reel away from her gaze, suddenly reigned down by stupid things like hope fluttering around in my silly little head. She looks at me, resigned, as if she expected this reaction from me in the first place, and offers me the open bag of chips, a friendly arm ‘round my shoulders. “Just keep that in mind.”

Just then I feel eyes on me so I whip my head ‘round and see – well, I see Rei. From the looks of it he’s looking…somewhere behind me, maybe? His eyebrows are furrowed and from his distance I shouldn’t be seeing his face much but I do know enough about him to know that he’s frowning and looking…huh, oddly, he looks like something is _hurting_ , which spurs me into action. I’m about to stand up at this point – cuz what happened, for him to have that look on his face? Did he eat something weird for breakfast? Are his clothes too tight that they’re cutting off his oxygen or something? Is that girl on his arm too heavy and clingy, and if he wants to do I have to take her place – wait _what_?

That’s when he locks gazes with me, and surprise flashes across his face really quickly; I only barely see said surprise, and the flush forming on Rei’s cheeks, before he covers it up with a bright smile that makes me feel faint. And from the sighs of the girls around me, I’m not alone in feeling this way.

I dunno if this makes me feel better or worse. So I decide to just brush it all off. I cup both my hands to my lips and shout, “ _Knock ‘em dead, Rei-chan!!_ ”

There’s this small, tentative smile on Rei’s face, not at all like the ones he has on in all his glamour shots, almost shy and unsure as to whether or not it’s supposed to be there. I think it’s adorable beyond belief, but I’ve no idea why it’s the one he chooses to smile at _me_ with. But before I can think about it too much, that smile turns into a full-out grin, and he flashes me a thumbs-up ‘round the flag pole he’s holding. It’s as if he’s saying _by all means_ , like he always does when he’s preparing for victory.

“Y’know, it’s just too bad you’re not a girl, Nagisa-kun.” Gou muses, idly crunching on chips as we watch the contestants do their rounds across the quad. Rei and his partner go first – they’re going about this alphabetically, by course.

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, c’mon, Nagisa-kun, you’d make a very pretty girl, let’s be real here.” And she leans in, with a smug smirk and a conspirational whisper, to add: “Prettier than that girl they’ve got with Rei-kun, for sure.”

 _Hell yeah_.

“And I bet if it were you on his arm he’d look a bit…more relaxed, so to speak.” Gou says, giving the lead pair a once-over. “Don’t get me wrong, Rei-kun’s _gorgeous_ as per his usual, but beside that poor girl it looks like he’s pulling teeth. I’d daresay he wishes a certain _someone_ were walking with him instead, if you know what I mean…”

My cheeks flood with color at Gou’s outrageous eyebrow tilting. “Don’t be silly, Gou-chan, we’re not a couple from your _doujinshi_. And Rei-chan doesn’t think that.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“’Cuz…Rei-chan’s a guy. And guys like _girls_.”

“Well, _you’re_ a guy, and _you_ don’t like girls.” Gou says, sticking a sweating plastic bottle of strawberry milk drink to my chest.

Fair point, but it’s kinda missing something. “I don’t like guys _either_ , Gou-chan,” I say, gesturing wildly with the offered bottle so she doesn’t see how red my cheeks have become. “I just like _Rei_.”

It’s not until Gou’s smile grows wider that I realize that I’ve left off the honorific. “ _Exactly_.” she drawls, eyes extremely smug and a bit scary.

“I’m gonna regret telling you, huh.”

“Mm, I don’t think so. You’re gonna regret not telling him, though.” Gou says, cracking open her soft drink can with one hand. I think she gets that from Rin. That, and the overall romanticism. I can only _wish_ that when I’d confess Rei’d take it as easily as if we were in a _doujin_.

And take other stuff as easily too – I mean _what_?

“If _onii-chan_ were here,” Gou says, pointing at my face and chuckling, “He’d be laughing at the silly expressions on your face right now.”

I groan. Thank God for Australian swimming schools, then.

The rest of the pageant comes as one big colorful blur, or maybe it seems that way ‘cuz I’m really only honing in on Rei here. I’d started looking at the big picture, but that just resulted in me thinking really mean thoughts about his partner and somewhere in the middle of the third attempted death threat I come to thinking that maybe this is not a healthy way of thinking. So I decide to just focus on Rei. Much less imaginary deaths that way.

He clears all his jumps in the talent section, as we all expected. It was a great relief to us that the organizers did some preparations so Rei’s talent could be his pole-vaulting – because if he had to be shoehorned into one of those generic talents like singing or dancing he’d probably get laughed at and I’d probably have to punch people. I’m not saying that Rei’s singing or dancing is _horrible_ , take note – it’s just that he gets way too focused on counting his moves that he ends up confusing them for each other, and that his singing voice, while good and average, has this oddly-mechanical quality to it that only a mother can love. With the exception of me ‘cuz that’s how far gone I am.

Yes, he does wear the speedo he borrowed off me for the swimsuit section, and yes, Gou is a good friend and actually has to physically restrain me so I don’t just go off running to that stage and cling to him like some weird parasitic baby animal. It’s not _completely_ the fault of my really embarrassing and totally repressed feelings, by the way – the way the light bounces off his muscles should be _illegal_. I think he made Gou cry.

“He’s so _beautiful_.” Gou groans, biting the hanky in her hands. “And they didn’t even have to put oil on him. Those ab muscles speak for themselves.”

“See what I have to live with?” I sigh, trying very hard not to think about someone slathering oil on Rei. On Rei’s abs. _Me_ slathering oil on Rei’s abs. No, _stop_ _it_.

“Yeah, poor Nagisa-kun, who gets to live with his _unbelievably_ hot roomie who is also his best friend and most probably is also his soulmate. You poor little baby.” Gou says, pinching my cheek. “Stop brooding now, hun, it’s Q &A time.”

As it turns out everybody has to do the question and answer portion in their swimsuits, and this is especially distracting on my part because Rei’s showing so much skin I think I may just die. I try imagining him wearing clothes, but it ends up in me imagining him taking said clothes _off_ , so it’s no use. I groan.

They went about asking questions in reverse-alphabetical order of the courses, girls first, so the host calls for Rei last. I don’t get where this question is coming from, but there’s this wave of déjà vu that strikes me like a battering ram and I can’t understand why.

_Imagine that you were involved in a sport you weren’t particularly good in – so, not pole vaulting, I’m afraid. Imagine that you were in a team sport, something like basketball, or volleyball, or swimming, and you know that, excuse my saying so, you’re the only one holding your team back from winning. If you could either stay with the team and run the risk of losing, or have somebody more skilled take your place, what would you choose?_

“First of all, I’d like to say that I’ve never been part of a team,” Rei says, wielding his microphone as if it were a part of him. What was that he said again about having stage fright? He’s a liar. A beautiful, _beautiful_ liar. And I should probably stop spouting off Shakira lyrics. “I think it’s best that pole vaulting isn’t a team sport, though. Could you imagine how hard it’d be for us to make all our jumps at the same time?” He does this little chuckle at the end and everyone chuckles with him. He’s really got nothing to worry about as far as viewership is concerned. The crowd _adores_ him.

It’s only to be expected. After all, the best person to understand how easy it is to fall into adoring Rei would be _me_.

“Anyway. I’ve never been part of a team. But my best friend used to be a swimmer, when he was younger. His last event was the breaststroke part of a medley relay.” He says, almost _fondly_ , and – and I don’t even have to look at him to know that he’s looking my way and it makes the butterflies in my tummy go crazy. Damn him for being so beautiful and perfect making me feel too many dumb _feelings_. “He used to tell me stories about his team, how they worked together for a common goal. I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard, such camaraderie! Sometimes I used to imagine what things would be like if, in some alternate universe, _I_ swum along with them as well.”

Now _that’s_ something he hasn’t told me before.

“I have to tell you this, though – I don’t know how to swim.” Rei says, wincing a little bit. I feel for him, I really do – it’s not something he’d proud of, but I have no clue why he chose to say it here. “So your hypothetical is just too easy for me to imagine. But of course I’m not the kind of person who’d just succumb in the face of eminent failure, of course I’d square my shoulders and face the challenge head-on, there’s a reason why I’m getting through Accountancy thus far, after all –” – cue his org’s whooping – “– so yes, of course, I’d stay with the team, because Einstein said it himself – that _genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration_. I know that given the right amount of support by the people around me, I can be better. But, as for the second option…”

There’s a faraway look on Rei’s face as he trails off, and it makes me want to hold him close to me and cry into his…okay, not _shirt_ , he’s still shirtless, into the muscular planes of his chest, then.  What the hell, self.

“…I am not so stubborn that I’d value my interests, even if they result to the detriment of our team.” Rei says, slowly, quietly. He really has been thinking too much about this. My heart hurts. “If I know that they would be better off with someone in my place, I’d gladly step down. Because it’s my team, and it doesn’t matter to me who gets the credit or who gets to be in the line-up – what matters to me, is that they’re _happy_.” He smiles, softly, almost freaking _serenely_ , and tears are forming at the corners of my eyes ‘cuz what did I ever do to deserve him, what planet did I save from destruction, how is he even _real_. “That’s all, thank you.”

They change into their formal wear after that. Rei wins, of course. It’s a combination of his effortless athleticism, good looks, sculpted physique, and that extremely earnest answer, that sealed the deal, and now Mako’s slipping this outrageously glittery sash over Rei’s suit jacket. It’s pretty much the same as the one Mako’s slung across his torso, only Mako’s indicates that it’s from last year. Mako also takes the crown off his head to put it on Rei’s – unlike the one for the girls it’s not such a ridiculous crown, silver and a bit pointy and refracts light off Rei’s dark hair like some otherworldly halo.

After the prerequisite photo ops and pomp and circumstance are done, and people begin rushing out the gymnasium or waiting around for non-prerequisite photo ops, I stand up, run down the bleachers, and barrel into Rei without so much as a by-your-leave.

“ _Oof_ ,” Rei mouths, catching me in his arms without even losing his balance. In the distance I can kinda hear Mako chuckling behind us, as well as Gou huffing as she follows me down the bleachers, but I don’t care about that right now ‘cuz Rei’s here and in my arms and _I am never leaving him behind ever._ “You’re heavy, Nagisa-kun.”

“ _You great idiot_.” I hear myself say, pressing my face into his nice suit jacket. It smells of the new laundry detergent we picked out the other week, and the sash ‘round him itches a bit where it presses against my cheeks. “You stupid, _stupid_ , idiot, _why didn’t you tell me about this before_?”

“It’s just a hypothetical, Nagisa-kun,” Rei says, carding a hand through my hair, sounding surprisingly amused by my reaction. “I didn’t think you’d agree with it, so I thought it best to not tell you.”

“You should’ve told me!”

“What would have happened if I did?”

“Then I would’ve told you that _you were wrong_!” I babble, pressing myself harder into his chest because now tears are leaking outta my eyes, this is embarrassing, why am I sobbing like a baby over my best friend’s answer to a pageant question. But I never prided myself in being a person who was not embarrassing. “If by some great luck I got to swim with you, do you think I’d just let you be left behind? Do you?”

“I’d only be thinking of what would be best for the team, Nagisa-kun.” Rei says, looking down at me. “And you know well as I do that I sink like a rock and won’t be of much help swimming-wise.”

“…still. In this make-believe world, Rei-chan, if you were to swim, I’d want to swim _with_ _you_.” I mumble. “Even if we get to win a hundred thousand gold medals, I won’t ever be happy, ‘cuz if I didn’t win any of them with you, it’d be pointless.”

Rei chuckles, a very pretty sound I hear vibrating in his chest, and from the sounds of it, he’s leant down to press a kiss to my hair.

“That’s always nice to hear.” Rei says, low enough that it seems like I’m the only one to hear it. “For I feel exactly the same way.”

He looks at me, I look at him, and then Mako sneezes on his bouquet and Gou tells us to just get a goddamned room already so we pull away as if burnt and I flush red and tell Rei in all seriousness that Gou cried over his muscles.

“There’s no harm in a little aesthetic appreciation, Rei-kun, you know that as well as I do.” Gou scoffs. And besides. Nagisa-kun was doing the exact same thing!”

“Was not!”

“Gou, Nagisa, please do calm down…” Mako says, both hands up, the patented ‘ _how-did-my-life-come-to-this_ ’ look on his face.

“You are now,” Gou says, sweetly, gesturing to the tear tracks on my cheeks.

“It’s different,” I mumble, being extremely pissed at her and Mako for breaking the moment I’m pretty sure was supposed to be happening between me and Rei-chan. And they say _I’m_ the one who doesn’t read the atmosphere. “Shut up, Gou-chan.”

“Now, now, Nagisa-kun.” Rei says, calming, and if Gou sniggers at how I lean into his arm ‘round my shoulder I don’t think I care. “I believe we have a celebration to attend. Right, Makoto- _senpai_?”

“Yeah, we do. Your upperclassmen are treating us to a buffet lunch, and I’m glad they said Gou and I could go along as well – we haven’t all been together for a long time, that’s silly, we’re all in the same university!” Mako says. “Rin sends his love, by the way. And is also asking after his precious Gou, whether or not she’s going through uni well and the like.”

Gou pouts. “If _onii-chan_ really thinks I’m precious and wants stuff to be easier for me, then he could’ve just had me move in with Nagisa-kun and Rei-kun like I wanted to. That’d be fine with you guys, right?”

I’m about to say something about how I am not allowing her to stalk Rei in his own house for her weird muscle fetish, only that’d be the pot calling the kettle black ‘cuz that’s kind of a thing I’ve noticed I’ve been doing recently. Dammit.

“I, um,” Rei mumbles, his arm unconsciously drawing me closer. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. “I’d rather you didn’t, actually.”

“And why not?” Gou drawls, with this _really_ smug, fake-offended look on her face.

“Because then Rin-san would kill me,” Rei deadpans, “and I think I still have much to live for. Right, Nagisa-kun?”

He looks at me, and suddenly I am reminded of what I thought when I first saw him in that speedo – that if I died ‘cuz of looking at Rei too much Rei’d never forgive himself. I’d never forgive myself too, for succumbing too quickly, ‘cuz there’s still so much to live for. I still have to tell Rei how I feel.

Well, maybe not now. For now, I’m his best friend, and he’s mine, and I am absolutely cool with that.

“You’re right, Rei-chan!” I say, slinging an arm ‘round his shoulders in turn. “Now let’s see about that buffet…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally done! I'm so thankful to everyone who read this. I hope you like it!  
> I'm also opening Free! fic commissions, so...yeah. If anyone's interested please read this [tumblr post](http://patriciaselina.tumblr.com/post/84793016006/free-fic-commissions)!  
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I’d have some time in between RL and my other WIPs to write the pageant proper. Maybe I’d realize that I’ve never really gone to any of the pageants in our uni and leave this as it is. Either way, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this, at least half as much as I did writing it!


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